I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
