I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
