laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
