ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize