it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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