It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
