I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
