for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
