After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
