So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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