please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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