11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
