i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
