it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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