come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
