ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
