he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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