I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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