Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
