your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So vagazzling was a success
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
