That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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