just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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