Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize