you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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