No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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