Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize