The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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