i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
