Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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