You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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