we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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