He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
