she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
