Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize