not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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