we're blogging at a bar
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
