Where did you get a picture of my penis
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The beer is more important than you right now.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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