Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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