remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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