I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize