i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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