I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
People in love make me want to vomit
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
