I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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