i wish my penis had a tongue
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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