3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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