i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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