Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
