it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
