If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
