A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
