So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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