Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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