Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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