I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
