The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
