Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
