your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
