I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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