Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
