oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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