Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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