You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
