Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize