You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
