I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
