Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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