It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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