No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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