I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Randomize
