My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
