We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
