I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
