Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
