At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
