Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
